Well, This Sure Wasn't In My Job Description

I am at work at 8:30 on a Friday morning. I got here 30 minutes ago. I'm working hard, right?
I'm not supposed to be here. Friday is my one day off. Granted, I slept through my second shift at work yesterday, but I have a sleep disorder so there isn't very much I can do about that. Whoops.

So, why am I at work at 8:30 on a Friday? Because 1) my boss never comes to work, 2) one of the girls I work with is on her period, 3) another girl I work with refuses to come into work at 8, and 4) the other girl supposed to work now is on a field trip today. Finally, a valid excuse!

I. Am. Sick. And. Tired. Of. This. Bullshit.
I refuse to take on my job and my boss's. I have repeatedly been held responsible for things that I have no idea about because my boss leaves us unaware and "gets sick". She is sick ALL THE TIME. By sick I mean, ow my head hurts! She claims migraines when she admitted to me that she has never really had one. She had sinus surgery over the summer but still... her nose gets stuffy. I wish I had a sick leave option. That would be great. But alas, if I miss work, I have to find time during my busy schedule to make it up. I lose participation grades from class if I get sick.

I am over giving my life away to people who are so unappreciative. If only my boss would look at the fact that I am basically doing her job for her, maybe she would cut me a little slack when I take my one break that I get (1 break during my almost 7 hour shift...), and don't come back for 45 minutes. Every job I work on, I talk over with her boss and she doesn't even know it. I can bet money that fifteen minutes to an hour after I talk to him, she tells me what he wants me to do. I just look at her and blink. She has no idea how hard I work to make this office look good.

I do not want to be held responsible for other people. I love my boss. She is a fun, funny, sweet, caring woman. She has a TERRIBLE work ethic and I do not know how much longer I can work for her.

Paranoia Pt. 2

I talked to the BF last night about how I felt. His reassurance is a beautiful thing. He made everything seem so much better and I calmed down a lot. He also didn't make me feel like a defensive, possessive girlfriend. He just made me feel loved. He is amazing.

&as for the friend, I felt comfortable around her today too, just because I know that my BF would never do anything to hurt me.

Just figured I would update on that situation.

Paranoia

Paranoia comes easily to me, obviously. I am worried that anyone I am friends with and anyone that I love is going to hurt me. Pain is natural, but I do not think it is necessarily natural to believe that everyone wants to cause you pain. I believe this is true.

This is brought up by a particular situation and the kind of thoughts it brings to my mind.

Here is the situation:
I have a friend who is very sweet and loving. I have never seen said friend get mad until last week. One of my co-workers and I were trying to find the "perfect" man for said friend. This friend likes men with facial hair so I jokingly said, "Stay away from my man!" Obviously sarcastic and joking. Friend looked at me with fire in her eyes and said, "I can't believe you would say that to me. You are a better friend to me than he is. Why would you ever think that?!?" A little bit defensive. It crossed my mind that maybe she does have a little crush on him, but whatever, right? Yeah, whatever.
It's now making me paranoid because she is now making plans to cook dinner with my BF and the only reason I know about it is because he told me and invited me. She is also calling him past midnight? Do I have reason to be a little bit concerned by her actions or I am just worried that everyone wants to cause me pain, and being selfish? Probably the latter, but still.

Still ready to go home for a week...

What Not To Do:

If you would like to prevent the "bitch" side of me from coming out, here is a list of things you should not do. This list may seem to be directed to one particular person because of the state of mind I am in this morning, but really it goes out to everyone who does these things to me.

1. Turn the lights on at 7 in the morning. It's okay when you ask or warn me first, so I can prepare. It is not okay to get out of bed after you let your alarm clock go off until I said something, and then flip the lights on immediately. Most days, you leave the room as soon as this happens. Today, you got back in bed and went to sleep for 45 more minutes.

2. Talk about yourself NON-STOP. Do not expect me to be your friend when you can't even simply ask me if I had fun this weekend before talking about yourself. You were just told by a family member that "It's not all about you!" Remember that. It's true. It's not all about me, either. But when I ask you how your day was, what you did, how your test was, etc., it would be nice for at least ONE of those questions to be asked in return.

3. When I have obviously had a bad day, and I'm not in the mood to talk about it, I also don't want to hear about how great your day was and how everyone likes you, because at those moments, I don't. It's annoying.

4. Move your shoes. I am considerate enough to NOT turn the lights on really late at night or early in the morning. I don't want to trip on them anymore. Thank you.

For anyone:
1. NO, it is not okay to use my car and forget to put my gas in there, especially when you use it often. I'm going to start charging for insurance money...

2. Clean your damn toilets. A dirty toilet is one of the grossest things ever.

3. The next grossest thing is a dirty sink. Clean that while you have those supplies out.

4. Taking laundry out of the washing machine and setting it on top? Not cool. Not only is it uncool when you do it to me, but it's uncool when I see it done to others as well... The dryer is a different story because the close won't mold. Be considerate.

5. Stop smoking on the porch. The smoking-tent rule is effective for a reason. I smoke, but I don't want my "house" to smell like that nasty shit.

6. Gain a little work ethic. It sucks when I have to come to work when I don't feel well, because it is mandatory that I work a certain number of hours. I don't have sick leave. I can't do your job & mine as well...

7. Don't call me lazy because I sleep a lot. It's not my fault you are at the library until 4 am because you don't do your work on time. I get my work done and find time to sleep almost as much as my body wants. Shut your face.

8. Don't tell me I'm unhealthy. You just ate a whole box of Nilla Wafers.

I think I'm done.
That's what is going on in my life right now.

Mom, can you tell I'm ready to come home and see you? :)

Poems=People I Love

Once upon a time I graduated from high school on the same day that I had a going away party to move to Wyoming. My mom made me cry in a good way by reading me this poem:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

e.e. cummings

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Once upon another time, my boyfriend stayed up for 37 hours to write a paper.
When I woke up in the morning and he wasn't there, I was mildly sad.
Then I checked my email and I found this:

When I cannot look at your face
I look at your feet.
Your feet of arched bone,
your hard little feet.
I know that they support you,
and that your sweet weight
rises upon them.
Your waists and your breasts,
the doubled purple
of your nipples,
the sockets of your eyes
that have just flown away,
your wide fruit mouth,
your red tresses,
my little tower.
But I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth and upon
the wind and upon the waters,
until they found me.

Pablo Neruda



These are my favorite poems. 

Not-So-Secret Admirer

In my experience at the shipyard, some men are nice and some men are not. Some I have known since I was 5 years old and would never talk to me in a rude way. Some I barely know, and they have no problem with it. At least they're honest. There is one who has known my mom since she was younger. Sometimes he makes comments and I wonder if it's because I'm older that he is talking to me that way or if he is just messing around, because that's the way shipyard men talk.

Then there is the CREEPER. I had to ask people to figure out who he was and I still only know him by his nickname. I do know what shop he works in. I also know that when he talks to me it offends not only me, but 2 of my cousins. The man CANNOT keep his eyes to himself. He has to let them wander all over my body about 7 times before he even says, "How are ya today Ms. Elizabeth?" Then his eyes wander a few more times. If I'm standing outside it is almost guaranteed that he will find out and come talk to me. He used to seem like a nice guy despite his wandering eyes. Now he just creeps me out. One day I was making copies and he walked by muttering "ohmyfuckinggodyouaresofuckingsexytoday.ohmygod.sofuckingsexy.mmmmmmm" I faced the other direction and laughed because I don't know if I was supposed to hear. Then he came and had a 10-15 minute conversation with me about copying papers. Sorry, dude, but it ain't that exciting! After that... I hid until he left the building.

He is creepy. There is absolutely nothing funny about the Joker.

Sexual Harrassment?

I'm damn good at my job. I work hard and my work gets noticed. I have had 3 different "bosses" this Summer. I go to help people out and they decide they want to take a vacation because all of a sudden, they have someone who can work for them! But because I work for family, I catch constant shit. I am the babysitter of cousins, if I'm not at my desk then I'm not working at all. I get creepy stares, but if you ask Cousband, he would say "You get eye-fucked at least 30 times on the way to and from a fuckin' smoke break." But the worst of it all, in my opinion, is this...

While I was at work yesterday, I noticed one of the second floor girls wearing a spaghetti strap tank-top. It was cute. Jeans, and a tight fitting, spaghetti strap tank-top. Last week, one of the ladies on the first floor was wearing a low-cut halter top. Both times I saw these women, they were in direct view of HR Great Aunt. HR Great Aunt cornered me in the bathroom a few weeks ago and made me take off my shawl/scarf to show her what I was wearing underneath. What was underneath was inappropriate for work, hence the scarf! My cleavage, shoulders and back were all covered by the scarf and I wore it like that all day, but that did not stop the bathroom incident. Today I am working on the first floor and it is FREEZING. I am, literally, wearing one of my Winter jackets. Under my Winter jacket, I am wearing an outfit I wore in Egypt to ensure that I did not get kidnapped or anything along those lines. I feel that it would be appropriate since I wore it there. I ran in to HR Great Aunt at about 8:00 am. She said "MUCH BETTER! Keep the jacket on." Why am I the only one who gets this kind of treatment? I feel that it is unnecessary to treat me differentlt from the rest of the women working in this office just because my grandfather is the owner. I am 20 years old. I feel like I should be allowed to dress my age instead of like I'm 60.